Sleep training a co-sleeper

Need to build a baseline schedule first? Use the wake windows calculator.

Start with the why

Co-sleeping is a parenting choice, not a problem. Some families plan to co-sleep for years. Others co-sleep accidentally because it was the only way anyone got sleep at 4 months. Both are normal.

Before you start, get clear on the goal. Two common ones:

• Move baby to their own crib in your room. Often called room-sharing. AAP recommends until at least 6 months.
• Move baby to their own room and crib. Most families do this between 6 and 12 months.

The plan below starts with the first goal, because moving to a crib in your room first works better than trying to change both location and room at once.

When to start

The easiest windows for this transition:

• 4 to 6 months. Baby is past the 4-month regression. Object permanence has not fully developed, so separation anxiety is mild.
• 6 to 8 months. Sleep is more consolidated. Baby has more capacity for self-settling.
• 12 to 14 months. After the 8 to 10 month regression and before the 18-month one.

Harder windows: any sleep regression (4, 8 to 10, 12, 18 months), teething bursts, illness, major life changes (moving, daycare start, new sibling). If any of those are happening, wait 2 to 3 weeks.

Step 1: Move the crib in

Before you change how baby falls asleep, change where. Set up the crib in your room, against the bed or a few feet away. This is the new sleep spot. You are not yet asking baby to fall asleep alone, just to be in the crib.

For the first 3 to 5 days, you can still nurse or rock baby to sleep, then transfer them to the crib. The goal is to break the association of "I sleep in mom's bed" and replace it with "I sleep in this crib." Baby may still wake at night, and you can bring them into bed for now if needed. We are layering the changes.

Step 2: Build the bedtime routine

If you have not been using a consistent bedtime routine, start one now. 20 to 30 minutes, the same order every night:

• Bath (every other night).
• Pajamas and sleep sack.
• Final feed in dim light.
• One book or song.
• Crib.

This is the signal that sleep is coming. It primes the brain to release sleep-onset hormones. After a week, baby will start to relax during the routine itself.

Step 3: Choose your method

This is where the actual sleep training starts. You have three main options. Pick the one that fits your baby and your tolerance.

Gentle option: Chair method (10 to 21 days)

Best for babies under 12 months and parents who do not want to leave baby crying alone.

1. Sit in a chair next to the crib. Do the routine, put baby in the crib awake but drowsy.
2. If baby cries, you can shush, pat, or even pick up briefly. The crib stays the destination.
3. Stay until baby falls asleep.
4. Every 2 to 3 nights, move the chair a foot further away. Then to the doorway. Then to outside the door.

Pros: very gradual, low crying. Cons: 2 to 3 weeks of bedtime work. Some babies regress when the chair moves.

Medium option: Pick up, put down / Ferber (5 to 10 days)

Best for babies 4 to 12 months whose parents want a middle path.

1. Do the routine. Put baby in the crib awake.
2. Leave the room.
3. If baby cries, wait 3 minutes. Go in, settle briefly (no picking up if possible), leave.
4. Next interval: 5 minutes. Then 10. Then 10. Repeat.
5. Each successive night, extend the first interval by 1 to 2 minutes.

Pros: most babies sleep through by night 5 to 7. Cons: there is crying.

Fast option: Cry it out / extinction (3 to 5 days)

Best for babies 6+ months whose parents have tried gentle methods without success, or who need rapid change for mental health reasons.

1. Do the routine. Put baby in the crib awake.
2. Leave the room.
3. Do not return until morning, except for safety checks or feeds you have decided to keep.

Pros: usually works in 3 to 5 days. Cons: lots of crying for 1 to 3 nights. Hard on parents. Not for everyone.

Step 4: Night wakings

Once bedtime is solid (baby falls asleep alone in the crib in under 15 minutes for 3 to 5 nights in a row), tackle night wakings.

Decide ahead of time which feeds you are keeping. For most babies over 6 months, 0 to 1 night feeds is realistic. For 9+ months, often 0.

When baby wakes:

• If it is a planned feed time: feed in dim light, do not pick up beyond feeding, return to crib.
• If it is not: use the same method you used at bedtime. Same method, every waking.
• Do not bring baby back into your bed. The bed is for adults now. Consistency is what makes the new pattern stick.

Step 5: Naps

Save naps for last. Once nights are settled, work on crib naps. Daytime is harder than night for many babies, so it can take an extra 1 to 2 weeks.

Use the same method as bedtime. If a nap fails entirely (more than 45 minutes of crying with no sleep), get baby up, try again at the next wake window.

What about the part where you are alone in bed now?

Some parents miss the snuggles. Some parents finally sleep well again. Both are real. A few helpful reframes:

• Co-sleeping does not end intimacy. Snuggles can happen at any time during the day or evening.
• Baby gets better sleep too. They are not the better sleeper just because they were quiet in your arms.
• If you change your mind, you can re-add room-sharing or co-sleeping later. Sleep skills, once learned, are not lost.

When to stop and try again later

• Baby is sick (fever, cold, ear infection).
• You are in the middle of a regression.
• Your gut tells you it is too much. Pause for 2 to 4 weeks and restart.
• Crying lasts more than 2 hours with no sleep for 3 nights in a row.

Safe sleep reminders

Once baby is in the crib:

• Back to sleep, on a firm flat mattress.
• No loose blankets, pillows, bumpers, or stuffed animals until at least 12 months.
• Sleep sack, not blanket.
• Room temperature 68 to 72°F.

If you choose to continue co-sleeping in some form, follow the Safe Sleep 7 (firm mattress, no soft bedding, sober parents, breastfed baby, full term, never on couch or chair). Co-sleeping carries real risk before 4 months. After 4 months, with the right setup, risk drops considerably but is not zero.

Sources

• AAP — Safe Sleep Recommendations
• HealthyChildren.org — Sleep Training Methods
• Sleep Foundation — Sleep Training Approaches

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The Sleep Desk

Reviewed by a pediatric sleep consultant · Aligned with AAP safe sleep guidance · Updated May 2026